Social Security Seeker Gifts

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

Will work for ETFs

Pre-Old Blues

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

"They pay well but they expect a lot from you."

"I already GAVE you a raise, three weeks from now!"

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

'Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet... How the heck did this get here?'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

'I do my best work when I'm being paid a huge salary.'

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

"I'd like a raise, I can't afford to binge drink on what you pay me."

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'I had a terrible day. . . but the money was good.'

"I see it's payday again Perkins!"

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

'He is expecting you about your raise request. He will see you in a few minutes...'

"Glen is a one-issue voter....medicare and social security solvency."

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'Do you have any coupons?'

'Your assets are perfectly safe with us, it's ring fenced - and of course we reconcile regularly sir.'

Unemployment Office. Apply Here. What type of hourly waage were you thinking about? The pro-baseball type!

'I see the truth-in-advertising-people got wind of the proposed privatising...'

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

Cutting corners can cost money.

'I hear a pet can help prolong your life. Got any that know the Heimlich maneuver?'

"I need this grant to start my chicken farm."

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"We're not accusing you of abusing the system, but I understand you've been on Social Security for 150 years."

'HR fired me because of an 'unstable job demand'. When I demanded a decent wage, they said I was unstable.'