Salary Seekers Gifts

"The new position not only comes with a bump in salary, but allows me to extend my reach into areas where I'm not qualified."

Dreaming of Dollars.

"I'm looking for a job at an anti-capitalist non-profit organization but I want at least 3000 bucks a month!"

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

How are you at decision making?

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

In and Out Sourced.

Between Offices

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"I don't like your application."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Business is booming! Come in and see our explosive sales today!"

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."