Social Norms Commentator Pillows

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

'Do I smoke? Just anti-socially.'

"Mind if I smoke?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"He appears to be evolving differently to us!"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

Victorian woman at a bar.

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

'It is Hyena. You said you wanted a fun fur.'

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

"He must be very secure in his masculinity."

'Believe me, son, she's a much better choice for you than that skinny girl, Cinderella!'

'-and stop saying 'who's carrying who over the threshold?''

"Sorry, these are saved."

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

"We've been trying on religion to see if it fits, and it does."

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'