Social Media Sympathizer Pillows

'I think we should just be friends.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

21st century water cooler conversations.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Digital Fomo!

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Obsession with the Internet.

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

Trick or Tweet

Ice shelfie.

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!

tRUMp, Pirate President

"She looks just like in your photos."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"We're staying together for the sake of our facebook page..."

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"He's so into social media that he's become anti-social."