Social Media Savvy Aunt Gifts

The cell phone soother for life.

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

Biofelineism

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'Save us!'

"One day mommy's slime molds will all be yours!"

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

'You're texting? Wait--'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

Salvador Dali's cats.

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

"What's your earliest memory, Sadie?" "You can not get under my skin, loser." "Maybe I can help you figure it out: were people wearing powdered wigs, or were they wearing togas?" "Did they live in primitive huts, or in trees?" "I'm not listening!" "Were they standing upright, or swimming in a primordial sea?" "You're about to be swimming in primordial soup."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

'So what if he goes crazy now and then. Cats also have nine minds.'

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

'You and I are going to have a long talk when I get you home.'

'Who called me a quack?' (boy has duck on his knee in vet's surgery).

"And you wonder why they call me a bitch?"

"Elinor, honey, isn't Mr. Stripes pretty? He just had his shots."

How Am I Driving?

"Never too old to rock and roll."

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

Will accompany your kids on rides so you won't barf - $20.

"The kids? They're great! Karen got retweeted by a famous YouTuber and Timmy just hit 16K Insta followers. They start influencing so quickly, don't they?"

'What d'you mean-you THINK you've seen this before-you've seen EVERYTHING before!'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

Time moves so fast when you're older. No, it moves more slowly. No, it moves fast. You remember things that happened ten years ago as if they happened yesterday. No, it moves slowly. Every day is a tedious, endless moebius strip of boredom, punctuated only by the occasional argument. You win. This talk feels like it's going on forever. I feel like I've been winning for a million years.