Social Media Mom Gifts

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

21st century water cooler conversations.

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Digital Fomo!

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Obsession with the Internet.

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

Trick or Tweet

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"She looks just like in your photos."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

Elephant ass selfie.