Social Media Fan Gifts

"I don't care how many likes you got for it on Facebook it's still a D minus!"

Tinder

'You have it all wrong. I wasn't texting while driving, I was updating my Facebook status and checking Twitter.'

Facebook 33 A.D.

Pandora's Unboxing Video

"I should have taken more selfies."

"All right, any last status updates?"

His text said, I challenge you to pistols at dawn, and I replied, C U there, and he replied with a thumbs-up emoji – Do I have to reply to that?

"I know you haven't been flossing. Your electronic toothbrush has been tweeting me."

'I can't marry you, Randy, but I'll follow you on Twitter.'

How are you responding to the tweetment?

Puppy and Elephant Selfie

"No, not Facebook. . . no no, nor Twitter. . ."

Selfie Culture

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

21st century water cooler conversations.

'Someplace where we could take lots of selfies with national monuments...'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

Obsession with the Internet.

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

Digital Fomo!

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

Bird Tweet.

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"