Social Media Royalty Pillows

'I need a new motto, with 140 characters.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

King George I

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"I, TikTok."

"She wishes to range free!"

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'The Burrito King.'

Czarcasm

TV jester.

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"