Social Media Philosophers Pillows

"Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers."

"My post only got one like, but it is from God."

Social media and privacy

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

The Proust of Twitter

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

#notblessed

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

'What does the internet have against my people?'