Digital Age Philosophers Pillows

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

"They're powered by Internet outrage."

"I used to say 'Live and Learn' but now I say 'make one mistake and it'll be all over the internet and then you're screwed."

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Fact amnesty"

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'What does the internet have against my people?'

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

To get past the gates of Heaven you have to now enter an internet style password