Digital Age Philosophers Pillows

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

"They're powered by Internet outrage."

"I used to say 'Live and Learn' but now I say 'make one mistake and it'll be all over the internet and then you're screwed."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

"Fact amnesty"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'What does the internet have against my people?'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Please stand by...I have temporarily lost my reason.

"The answers to the questions you seek could also be found on Google."

"Just remember, kid...whether you post on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube...it's all show biz."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"