Internet Philosopher Pillows

'The secret to finding all knowledge is to use exactly the right keywords when you google.'

'How did you waste time before the internet?'

"Well on the upside, we get a highly personalized experience."

'When I googled myself, and nothing came up, I began to question my own existence!'

'Wow, when did it start letting you 'enemy' people?'

"How Much Everyone Got Upset in Real Life."

"Next time, let's just follow him on Twitter."

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

'You know, I don't need your approval. I can have all my crackpot opinions validated on the internet!'

"They were fine until I started posting my opinions online."

I have a homepage, therefore I am.

"Well, if God had a facebook page think of how many 'likes' he'd have!"

"If a website crashes on the Internet and nobody goes there, does it matter?"

'I realize this may be the dumbest thing I've ever said, everyone will see it, but I want to post it anyway.'

The New Austerity.

'I've got 8350 followers but none of them is here to buy me the next drink!'

"No, your sister isn't mad at us. Since she started university she now thinks it's mandatory to work up a sense of offended outrage before she logs on to any sort of social media."

"So, the moral is, if you're going to cry wolf, do it from an anonymous Twitter account."

"Just remember, kid...whether you post on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube...it's all show biz."

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help the Google?"

"I don't need a book that records people's good and evil deeds. Nowadays I just check social media accounts."

"Shouldn't it be called anti-social media?"

'We too thought we could resist social media.'

Twitter - Get a life.

"Everybody should have the right to erase their past..."

Je Suis What Social Media Decide...

Bird to bird: 'If I'm not careful, I could twitter my life away.'

How to Leave Website Comments

"A new study shows the internet is filled with false information."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

I googled myself today. I read a lot of bad things about myself. But the good news, if it can be called that, is that none of it matter, because I'm fictional.

I wonder what life was like before the internet. What are you talking about? You don't have to wonder what life was like before the internet. You were here! We have no proof of that. I've googled myself. There's no reference to me existing prior to 1994. No blog posts, no photos, not tweets. I mean sure, you can find my birth certificate, but that means nothing. There is nothing online that was written by me, personally, prior to 1994. Stop that!!! I found a box of old polaroids, they're suppose

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"So, the self-anointed brandishing millions of followers. How is social media NOT a cult again?"

Slow Day at the Editorial Board