Social Gathering Skeptics Gifts

'I don't know about you but this is the last Fireman's Ball that I go to!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

The prying mantis,

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

The devil you know and his plus one

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Glyndebourne

When I said, "Let the good times roll," I didn't mean to let go of the keg.

Playing cards.

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

"You're doing fine - don't watch your feet."

All-Purpose Obamatoon

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

Shall I be mother?

"I rushed here from surgery. I didn't have time to get into costume."

Caricatures of Political Figures Exhibited at the Opera Ball

"God help us, it's that guy."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Oh, Lord! Not another wine-and-cheese party!"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"This is it, everybody. Jack and Harriet Schroeder sing Harold Arlem."

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'