Social Dodger Gifts

"I miss avoiding people."

"Don't stop, I don't want to talk to you."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

Election Cancelling Headphones

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

Trying to come up with yet another password...

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"Would you care to join me and my wife - we'd like to try the ten person banquet menu."

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

'Oh, Fred does exercise. He takes frequent walks to the refrigerator.'

'That's why your checkbook balance looks so good. You sent all of your online bills to the junk file.'

"You're suffering from banner blindness."

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'WHY? WHY? WHY?' 'Because we have a dress code, Sir.'

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

Cone of Silence

"I'm looking for something that will keep people away from me on the subway."

"What's to prevent some total stranger anywhere on the world from paying my bills."

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

'Perhaps Madam would prefer something less robust.'

"Brian's New Year's resolution is to spend more time on the treadmill."

'Is it bad etiquette to bring my universal remote to this party you're dragging me to?'

"If you're so interested in watching reality, how about watching your baby brother?"