Social Conundrum Lover T-Shirts

Woman tries to drink wine whilst wearing a face mask.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'But how could me speaking at the Secret New Products Seminar break our Confidentiality Agreement?'

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"His cell is a TV remote, his diplomas are elevator inspections, his computer's an Etch-a-Sketch -- but his contract's iron clad."

'Wow! How did you catch something smaller than the bait you were using?'

'Oh ya! I didn't tell you guys. I'm a vegetarian now.'

"O.K. Where is he?"

"So have we given up completely on the idea of the full monty?"

'I've seen you before and, right now, I'm hoping like crazy that it wasn't on a picture in the post office.'

Information. If you can't put toothpaste back in the tube, how did it get there in the first place?

Mom's Home Cooking and Dad's Home Drinking.

"I'm skipping 'Happy Hour,' Carl—it's Friday night—zen tennis clinic at the shul."

"It's nothing serious...just a flooded engine."

A mechanic is surprised to see a periscope coming out of a car towing a boat.

If People Believed in Heaven and Hell

"I want to kill my parents and sell the film rights."

Burp! Tap. Reflux, where reflex should be.

"Have you tried our new Postman flavor?"

I'm sick. I can't go to school. No fever. No cough. No day off. Easy, mom. Some girls are hounding her for liking Ryan Beardsley. Oh, honey! Why didn't you tell me that

"So you feel you're always being judged by your looks."

Philosophy Department.

"I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism"

"No, I wasn't concerned about gun control."

"What you have is very rare... You have, sufficient medical insurance."

Two Devils Befriending an Angel.

Institute for the study of hypocrisy.

I lost my wallet here. Could you check lost and found? Sure. What's it look like? Oh, it's leathery, canvas, nylon-ish … blue-black gray-purpley-greenish … it has a Visa-Mastercard-Amex-Discoverish cards and one-ten-fivey dollars in it. I keep an I.D. of a dear friend in it for sentimental reasons. Get out.