Soccer Whiz Gifts

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

Football

"Yes, also it keeps you fit."

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Be rational."

Exercise Car.

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

Are you familiar with the phrase "demography is destiny"?

Tennis Player.

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

"The last one to The Four Seasons picks up the check."

A surfer rides on a wave of snow created by a snow plough.

'Before you get into the market, we need to test your pain threshold...'

Football merchandise - Replica bungs

Ghoul Keeper

James Ward-Prowse

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

Football Applause

The computer was bad enough, but now my phone can beat me at chess.

"Tell us, in layman's terms, what your breakthrough means." "Certainly. K-4/7....5T"

"It's impossible for me to get much work done in the office. I play Sudoku."

Football prayers.

Harry Redknapp

Headstone of a crossword addict

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

'Are you sure you want to stick with those numbers, Johnny.'

OMG, that is so offensive! Prove You're Not A Robot.

'I repeat: Charlie, Golf, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu, Romeo, Juilet, Whiskey, Kilo...'

Decapitation on the football pitch.

Modern Childhood