Soccer Superfans Pillows

Throat Lozenges $5/box

Fly Football

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

The trauma of losing.

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

Raheem Sterling

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

Ball as water-melon.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Egyptian Football

World Cup Fever

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

Centaur Forward

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

Watching the football.

Football

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'