Soccer Superfan Gifts

'Have you been buying useless football memorabilia off the internet again?'

Man caught in bed with football.

"I'm pretty sure my parents' homeowners insurance will cover it."

Football Computer.

'Darren always has to go one better.'

The Angry Footballer

"The refereeing was only half bad... the winning team didn't complain."

"How old were you before you discovered our football song wasn't the national anthem?"

Fly Football

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

The trauma of losing.

Football Chameleon

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Raheem Sterling

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Ball as water-melon.

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Centaur Forward

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Egyptian Football

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."