Soccer Stylist Pillows

A woman wearing a football pitch hat

"Quickly! Call the hair stylist!"

Bad hair day!

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

Beauty is in the eye of the manipulator.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Pampered and poodled.

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Shoe addict.

"I don't like your application."

My Bangs: A Play in 5 Acts

The Young Ladies' Young Gentleman

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Robot Jogger

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

'I love doing things with you, Dad but couldn't you just coach my soccer team?'

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

Vivienne Westwood

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Dolores is so avant garde.

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."