Sober Skeptic Pillows

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"

'Do I ever wonder about a higher power? No, I wonder what's on TV.'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'This one contains the commandments that will make people ENJOY life! Ha ha, just kidding.'

House of Wishful Thinking

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

Actual Results May Vary

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'So help me, which god?'

'So it wasn't b*****t after all.'

'You've convinced me. I'm becoming an atheist.'

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

'Jesus? Jesus who?'

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

"I'm making an effort to limit my dependence on foreign vodka.