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'Why am I always the designated driver?'

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

"Uggh! Who am I?" 'Rory Bremner wakes up with a hangover'

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"I'm making an effort to limit my dependence on foreign vodka.

'zzz... nyarrrgh... fwa... ...ack... k... na...graa...' - '' - 'I just had the worst dream...' - '' - 'Oh, b***ocks.' - ''

'Well at least we know there's no chance of either of us being over the drink-drive limit!'

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

"About time!"

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

Turkey...cold turkey.

'Monday morning is the new Friday night.'

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

'What's your best seller?'

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"I'm getting not-so-subtle hints of Dry January remorse, envy and resentment."

"He'd been drunk,he'd been walking past the zoo...there had been something else, but damn he couldn't remember."

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

Designated Drivers Area

"You know what I miss? Those lazy, crazy, hazy days when we were drinking."

'Do you find it easy not to think about alcohol?'

'I dreamed I joined a twelve-step program.'