Sober Buddy T-Shirts

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Stranger, you're sitting in the boss's personal spot. That's why they moved the dart board over your head."

"... And to this day, she still blames the dog!"

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'Relax, dude - I got your back.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

'This is the layout of all the bars we'll hit tonight! We'll start here, then...So we'll sweep around their rear flank, capture their artillery here, then...'

Unmanned drones.

"Do you know what we need? We need drinking songs."

Joe's Bar - Two Kegs Any Style $49.95

"Do you know what girls want?"

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'Here comes Ted.'

"I just did a huge one in my diaper."

"Don't attack surfers! You're giving us all a bad name and encouraging culling!"

"I hate arguing with someone who knows what they're talking about."

"Fascinating!"

'Seeing it's your birthday, lets go and get rat arsed.'

"What are we doing today?"

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

The Icebreaker

"Had half of Fox-and-Friends gnawing my ass this morning."

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"I'm making an effort to limit my dependence on foreign vodka.

"About time!"

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"Yup. This is heaven. Free beer and unlimited peanuts."

"Have you been telling everyone I'm an idiot?"

"Twenty bucks says you can't cross the road!"

'No wonder I never have time to do anything else. I'm a one woman news team.'

Sports Bar ???