Soap Suds Strategist Pillows

"Shootout at the Soapy Canal"

Mayo-A-Mayo

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Holiday Gifts 2020

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

Bored Baker

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

'How did our ‘Get Away From It All' vacation turn into a ‘Take Most Of It With You' long weekend?'

Gracie's Halloween Candy Exchange.

'Silly Billy - who told you that you could eat a cake of soap?'

"Brilliant idea of yours,darling-only inviting no-sweet tooths!"

'Is it labor day already?'

'Blast it's raining!'

'Martha, my battleship sank.'

"If you want extra virgin oil on the salad that's a £5 supplement...."

"You're prediabetic. I can't help you unless you decide to eat less sugar - or more sugar."

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

Anatomy of a Salad

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

Slippery soap while washing your hands

Miscommunication

'They should be nice and clean -- my mother washes my mouth out with soap every @#$%@#$ day!'

"I took 30 showers today, so I'm good for the month."

"Don't come anywhere near me bub! I'm warning you."

"Have you washed your hands..?"

Henry Persil

Bird in a Bubble.

'For $10.95 can I interest you in our deluxe wash and wax?'

'I see a body of water...with soap.'

Dog Bath.

A king watches a hand with spoon rising from a bowl of soup

'Apricot Quince? Baked Apple? Wild Huckleberry? If they had these soaps when I was a kid I wouldn't have minded having my mouth washed out.'

Out of my Swamp, Comey...!

Marketing Fails no.972