Snide Comments Admirer Gifts

"Mr. Tilson will suffer you gladly now."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

UK border controls relaxed.

How about going easy on the carbs

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'Hi - I'm your company perk !'

Denmark scrapped anti-blasphemy law!

Czarcasm

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"A haand gel...!?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Hot cross buns

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

"Just what is a runcible spoon?"

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"Well, that was the weirdest tribute band I've ever seen."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"And yet methinks, Martha, that 'Ibsen with Rhythm' seems somehow to miss the point of Ibsen."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'And remember team, if you can't join 'em, lick 'em!'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'As you can see global climate change has encouraged some species to adapt to new environments.'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

A Gated Community.

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

Football heads...

'Day two at the...brain transplant institute.'