Snarky Remark Lover Gifts

'This is a ten year old whisky.' 'I suppose you were too stingey to buy a new one.'

The Snarky District

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

Cops' Right to Beat You in Private Shall Not Be Infringed

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

"Just remember, when he says 'indie' he means Indianapolis."

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

Mysteries of the ocean...

'How come you always have to have the last . . .'

"I've got nothing on for the next few months, do you fancy sex?"

'Your Mother's lips haven't touched each other in 45 years!'

'Hey, Henderson, still got your brains in your butt? Ha! Ha!'

"I'd remind you not to fly too close to the sun, but no one's ever accused you of aiming too high, have they?"

'Of course you always offer 'concrete solutions.' Your head is full of cement.'

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"Mr. Tilson will suffer you gladly now."

"Of course I listen to you. How else would I be able to mock you?"

How was your oatmeal, Sadie? Is everything good? Can I get you anything else? Wait a second, what's that flapping? Somebody, run to the window and tell me if you see a pack of hogs flying by! Has the sky fallen? Has hell frozen over? Has the sun risen in the west? Have chickens grown teeth? Has a donkey climbed a tree? This is the first time in 16 years that you've bothered to ask me how my meal's going, is what I'm saying, you worthless baboon! I wonder why.

"The voice pattern is similar to Dad's."

Christmas Party Pick-up Lines.

Antisocial distancing

"I find doing actual work helps to pass the time."

Hoping to compete with the Mayo Clinic: Miracle Whip Medical Clinic

'So which is it - transfixed by my beauty or standing on my ten-pound note?'

'The art is only so-so, but the California white wine is quite acceptable.'

"Be reasonable, dear, you can't expect me to implement diversity in the workplace but not at home."

"Nurse! Google this thingamajig and find out where it fits back in."

'I don't mind having to come outside to smoke...it's a bit of fresh air.'

'Women are so illogical! -- first she says she wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole, and then she punches me in the nose!'

It's the "Ask Sadie" Advice Hour. "John" in New York, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. Movers. They charged me $800 extra to pack my stuff for me. But when they got to my new house, they just dumped everything in a chaotic heap and left. Serves you right you lazy pack-slacker!!! I'm shocked you didn't pay them an extra $200 to complain for you about the extra $800 you paid them. They'd do that?

'You're smarter than you look? -- well, I should HOPE so!'