Snarky Humor Lover Gifts

'My dear boy its a wonderful display of post modern expressionism with overtones of Dada.'

"The voice pattern is similar to Dad's."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Look! No hands!"

Crap from the future.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

The Snarky District

Trappist Monk Discord

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'What does it say, Dad?'

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

HELLth Food Sprouts

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

The Hammer

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

Honest Voting Stickers

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

How About Serving Us For a Change

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."