Sneaky Snacker Gifts

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

Don't lie to me

Somehow my wife always seems to know when I cheat on my diet.

A hunter who has snuck off with a picnic basket.

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

!There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!"

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

Cookie Thief

Midnight Snack

"I'll take a salad, add bacon bits, extra cheese, dressing, and powdered sugar, not lettuce."

"I've hidden all the emergency chocolate in the fruit bowl, it'll be quite safe there."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

Honest Vending

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Secretive Weigh In.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

"Works every time."

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'...And as suburban sprawl continues to grow, many people are finding themselves living uncomfortably close to their wildlife neighbors.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"Don't tell coach about this- he doesn't want us to be friends."

Student Food Pyramid

Breakfast surreal.

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."