Snarky Domestic Pillows

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

'I'm really thirsty.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

Man to wife about book: 'Honey, I think the novel wants out.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"Iron Man! Thank heaven you’ve come!"

'A Dust Cow'.

Art Gallery.

"I'm sorry, dear, but you know how I feel about intra-marital sex."

Wife is reading a book intitled 'Meals in 5 minutes', husband is reading a book about 'Divorce in 5 days'.

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

"Oh no!"

Laundry baskets labelled 'pajamas' and 'not pajamas'.

"My husband and I have decided to share each other's interests. He's at home burning the dinner."