Domestic Comedy Pillows

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"Damn it, Maureen! You just don't break up a winning combination!"

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'Some things just belong in a landfill, dear.'

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

'Behind every successful man there's a woman, telling him he isn't successful enough.'

'Something's bothering you, isn't it, Carol?'

Husband sleeping on the sofa overlooked by wife

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Mulch madness"

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

"The blow drier is broken."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."