Domestic Comedy Lover Pillows

"I'm sorry Bob. After you disappeared, I made a new life with Fred."

"It's me, darling, we're out of toilet paper."

'I know you're sensitive, Wally, but I only asked you to help wash the dishes!'

'You've done this just to get out of doing the dishes, haven't you George?'

"I drink at the Nag's Head, it reminds me of home."

The First Odd Couple

"He didn't like my hanging basket!"

'I know by now how you like your eggs done.'

Dear, you'd better call the super. There's a light bulb out in my man cave.

"Where's that dishy husband of yours?"

'I'm low man here-but at home, I'm second-in-command!

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"Can you make your Mother disappear?"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

Man in the shower-bath when the butcher calls

"Honestly, I ask him to skip one damned poker game. Hasn't said a word to me all night."

Did I leave the plunger in the toilet again?

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

Primitive magician

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"And remember, woman... I'm the one who wears the sassy pastel yellow toreador pants in the family!"

"Mulch madness"

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

"And I suppose you forgot to bring home the milk."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'This snuff video you sold me just shows people taking snuff.'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

There were a million things Alexander Hamilton hadn't done