Snail Snack Seeker T-Shirts

Snail Gumball Machine.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Bowled over again!

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Honest Vending

Love is when you watch television together.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"You were right, I didn't want to stop."

"The bagels are better in New York."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Wait, has thou brought snacks?"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Stupid Microwave

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

'Him' Watching the Game to Relax

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."