Snail Saver T-Shirts

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'Aaah...Are you the young man whose pet ate the snail bait?'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

Noise Pollution

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

'Stress'

Murphy's Bed meets Murphy's Law.

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

"It's not a real company, it's a shell company."

On holiday...

Snail with pc monitor.

"The hardest thing about learning to tumble is the floor."

'The escargots are underdone.'

He's under house arrest. Police Line. Do Not Cross.

'Love your renovations.'

Escargots to Go. 'I told you this would never work in the fast food market!'

'You're lucky! Your teacher never gives you any homework.'

"So, you're staying in then?"

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"I can recommend the snails, if you don't mind waiting."

'Let's face it, we're not meant to wear hats...'

"Derek has re-invented himself."

"I need a slower internet connection."

Cash Rebate

Tarzan's trees being chopped down.

"It's about time the price of generic drugs went down! Oh, and give me fifty quick picks."

You're not selling those silly upside-down tomato contraptions? I confess. They're fun! Fun? They're an affront to mother nature and common sense. A $3 seed packet grows enough for five families. Why sell over-priced fads? Mother nature never offered to pay my rent.

"I've been evicted."

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

"He's too ambitious, going for a black belt."

A bunch of snails are in an office slacking off on their work . A co worker snail says:' Just a heads up. . .Jenkins is heading this way with a salt shaker!'

"Drinking home alone, I think he may have a problem."

It's much easier on my knees.