Snacking Expert Pillows

"Those ankle weights will help you lose weight. They're so heavy you won't be able to walk to the kitchen."

Tartine

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Rage.

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Chez Nous Menu

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

Little league world series of poker.

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

To do before Saturday...

Love is when you watch television together.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"Trail mix?"

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

Budget Bureau. Ernie, spilling something from every food group on it, does not make it a "balanced" budget!

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

Medical Marijuana Dispensary / Medical Cheez Doodles Dispensary

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

"Goal!"