Smoothie Sipper Pillows

Dave figured out if he added green food coloring to his milkshakes everyone just presumed he was drinking a kale smoothie.

'We're making cheese smoothies!'

"And this is where we add the natural goodness."

"I haven't gotten as much done, but I've had a lot more energy ever since I replaced Gloria with a smoothie."

"It's technically a milkshake, but if I call it a 'smoothie,' I can have it for breakfast."

Geezer Health Bar. . . Specializing in prune juice cocktail.

'Actually, I'm de-toxing at the moment.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

The last song before the party exploded.

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Beach flirting

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Whine and cheezed party."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

Running Latte

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

A very fine vintage

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

Complaints Desk

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'