Sake Sipper Pillows

"We've stayed together for the sake."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

Sparkling Water

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

City Boy.

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

The last song before the party exploded.

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"Try this new IPA I just finished. Let me know if the malts and hops are layered like last week's batch." "Bailey was a really 'good boy'."

"Whine and cheezed party."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Beach flirting

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

Anton's Bar and Grill

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

Complaints Desk

A very fine vintage

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'I don't like her line of gossip - it's never about anyone I know.'