Smoker With A Twist T-Shirts

Passive Aggressive

'I always come outside for a smoke.'

'They come down here to smoke.'

"Awww. He's not going to jump. He's just smoking."

Lady with facemask smoking

Jean-Paul Sartre

Men gossiping

"I broncobust and I Dust-Bust. You got a problem with that?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'Do you mind!!?'

Professional woman in pub

'Pink isn't EITHER the new black!'

Richard Hughes.

"Darlin', I finally figured out the true meaning of life. It's a well=worn chair, a nasty old pipe, cheap brandy and a moth-eaten dog with a sphincter problem."

Champagne at the hunt

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

Matador Artificial Insemination.

Men talking about the boots of the period

'School of secondary sex characteristics'

"You heard your mother. There's no need to bless the superfoods."

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

"Didn't anyone tell you this is the private juice bar of the Health's Angels?"

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

'Yes, we're trying to re-introduce some of the more traditional breeds.'

"The dog wants out again!"

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

Sailor's pipe is a ship's funnel.

'I'm just checking my e-cigarette.'

Lighting a Pipe

"I'd prefer this to a gold watch any day."

Snowman with 'No Smoking' sign.

'You rang?'

"This is an expensive habit - I keep stubbing out my e-cigarettes."

"Congratulations, you've passed."