Smoker Relatives Gifts

'These new ideas are silly, Father, the boiled tobacco tasted awful and you've spent an age trying to light that potato.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Children's Party

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'It states in his will that if he becomes brain dead he wants to go unplugged.'

Speed Dating.

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

Professional woman in pub

Stockwell's day

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

Dino Snack

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

'He's not my Daddy: He's my great great grandfather...'

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"And for you older folks, the current time is 'nowadays.'"

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

"You got this, Nana."