Smokeless Sprinter Fan Gifts

'Nothing. Zip. Nada... Dude, none of these marathoners are carrying cigarettes!'

Alien Snowmen

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Geoffrey's kit car can go from nought to upside down in under nine seconds.'

Housewife: Out of Order.

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

Sparkler

Snow Bridge.

"You call this ice?"

Formula One car origami

"Did you see neighhhhhh...bours last night?"

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

Well, technically, no, you don't have seasonal affective disorder.

The Bagel Wheel Derby.

Pig Trotter

'Oi! '

1st Place in the Egg and Spoon Race

'I believe you were first.'

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

"Mom's left her phone here. We'll have to walk to the kitchen to tell her to get us dinner."

'Scooter' Libby.

Daily News Headline Dept. Editor. Here's a story about a guy who shaved his race horse to cut wind resistance, and the horse got a terrible sunburn. "A pony shaved is a pony burned"!

"Let 'em try to regulate this!"

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

Racing pit crew member holds sign for driver: Stop And Ask For Directions.

'Sorry Son, I might be the fastest animal on land, but I don't think I could catch the Gingerbread Man...'

'See? It covers glaciers, frostbite, and windchill. But it doesn't say anything about whether the Abominable Snowman and Frosty the Snowman are cousins.'

"I saw my doctor yesyerday. He gave me to the end of winter to live."

'She was really hot, which is exactly why I had to end the relationship.'

The Priceless Ming Vase Relays.