Smelter Pillows

'What the hell is PIG IRON?'

'...but according to your DNA, you'd be much better at smelting.'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Painting the Ceiling

Tool Box

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Sale! Weed Whackers

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"I got a swiss army hook!"

Congratulations on your retirement!

NYer uploaded by mod - "Come look, hon! We just got a new cactus!"

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

Organic Soldering.

Waiting for retirement.

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Swiss Army Rescue Service. How can we help?'

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

Three different categories of lawnmower.

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'