Smelter Pillows

'What the hell is PIG IRON?'

'...but according to your DNA, you'd be much better at smelting.'

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Tool Box

Painting the Ceiling

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Sale! Weed Whackers

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"I got a swiss army hook!"

Congratulations on your retirement!

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

NYer uploaded by mod - "Come look, hon! We just got a new cactus!"

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Organic Soldering.

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

Waiting for retirement.

'Swiss Army Rescue Service. How can we help?'

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

Three different categories of lawnmower.