Smartphone Sage Gifts

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

'... So I'm standing near this old guy and he's using an old, giant cell phone-- I mean this thing is ridiculous! Hahahaha!'

'Does it come with any Apps'

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

The Modern Headspace.

Smart phones and dumb people?

IMHOtep

Hooked on technology

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"I know! Two years without anymore Game Of Thrones?"

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

Twitter censorship

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

All the apps hidden within a phone

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

Wikipedia...

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"He said his screen is frozen again."

'It's not dead, honey. You've just never seen it turned off before.'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

"Wait...... I'm in the bathroom for one minute and you answer my wife's 'Where are you' text with..... 'I'm in a bar with Pete, checking out chicks, foxes and a cute little beaver'??"

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

Multiple personalities with blogs.

"The meaning of life! Have you tried Googling it?"

'Do you think you can turn the company around without making us all dizzy?'

Computer spying.

"You doomscroll, I make coffee, and together we forge bravely into each new day."