Smartphone Official Gifts

"Dad, this is totally the most important conversation ever!"

Shellfie

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

"I have an app for that."

I'm Stupid (Damn Autocorrect)

"Brat"

IMHOtep

"According to this tracking app, he's somewhere between Knick Knack and Paddy Whack."

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

Snake Tempts Adam With Mobile Phone.

'Every time a phone dies, he buries it.'

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

"My phone won't fold but the manufacturer did."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"I was admitted to heaven, but they didn't have WIFI."

'Of course I just retweet everything I see - I'm a parrot.'

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

"Before we can make it official, we'll need you to pee into this cup."

'Will this job requirer me to look up from my phone?'

"Hi! It's me...I've gone off the rails"

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

'... So I'm standing near this old guy and he's using an old, giant cell phone-- I mean this thing is ridiculous! Hahahaha!'

"After he got his cell phone, I'm only his second-best friend!"

'Does it come with any Apps'

"It's not my fault that you forgot your hearing aid!"

'OMG!'

"Always blame your mistakes on autocorrect and watch out for that tree."

"The killer was calling from inside the house and didn't even bother to text first."

'...and remember, it's not what you bribe but who you bribe...'

Just then, Colin went off-line. . .

I'm having trouble with this new phone --- it has more capabilities than I do.

"You have to decide, Peter. Am I your significant other or am I your tootsie-wootsie?"

"I heard you have a really bad toothache." "Meh. Not anymore." "‘Meh’?" "I got bored of that, so I just moved on." "Amazing." "‘Mindless over matter’" "Bored of this phone."