Smart Aleck Appreciators Pillows

"I'm old enough to recognize a lecture disguised as grace."

Gay Times...

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"They're so like us."

Surreal ale

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

"What do you mean Halloween ISN'T a paid holiday off?!"

Forbidden Vegetable

I love you Geyser...

"You're not the sleeping beauty I fell in love with."

'I keep yelling at my privates.'

Peacekeeping?

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."

Chicken comedians.

'Man in suit wears tie in shape of a pencil.'

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

Getting employees involved in decision making can help give them a sense of ownership. Sometimes, a little too much.

Cosmetic pouches.

'IT'S NOT YOU!'

"I'm leaving you,Jerry-I need more from a man than just scintillating conversation."

"Remind me again, did the President say that or was it the Kardashians?"

'I suggest you move onto halves...'

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

'Why did Oliver Twist?'

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

"Eww! -- Is that the only color bandage you have?"