Smart Aleck Appreciators Gifts

"I'm old enough to recognize a lecture disguised as grace."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

Gay Times...

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Joined at the hipster.

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"They're so like us."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Surreal ale

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

"What do you mean Halloween ISN'T a paid holiday off?!"

I love you Geyser...

Forbidden Vegetable

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

Peacekeeping?

'I keep yelling at my privates.'

"If I had known I was going to evolve, I would have worked on my beach bod."

'Man in suit wears tie in shape of a pencil.'

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

Chicken comedians.

"You're not the sleeping beauty I fell in love with."

Getting employees involved in decision making can help give them a sense of ownership. Sometimes, a little too much.

Cosmetic pouches.

'IT'S NOT YOU!'

"I'm leaving you,Jerry-I need more from a man than just scintillating conversation."

'Why did Oliver Twist?'

'I hate to tell you this, but there was a hole in my pocket, and I lost the budget surplus.'

"Remind me again, did the President say that or was it the Kardashians?"

It is what it is. Settle down! Stop being such a worrywart. What's the worst that could happen? Inactivists.

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

'I suggest you move onto halves...'

Every Day Is Fundraising Time