Wiseguys Appreciator Gifts

This reader asks, "Dear Dr. Ernie, is it true that most people need to improve their listening skills?" Sure, I enjoy the glistening hills.

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

Cat Burglar

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."

Caterpillar Portrait

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Teddy Time Bears

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

"Things are looking up!"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Imagine

"You've changed."

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

Voltaire

Man plays the piano with two Octopus.

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

'My story's a lot like yours. It all started on 'Bring your pet to work day' a few years ago. I was ready for a change, I liked it here, and I stayed!'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

William Makepeace Thackeray.

"Mom, this is Sarah, the friend I was telling you about."

Einstein's T-Shirt Reads: I'm with Stupid (Arrows point everywhere).

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

Dentist Speak - Monologues

"Put another minnow on my line!"

Add Your Own Caption Week #220

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."