Smart Aleck Pillows

'We've given you a brain scan and we can't find anything.'

'Why did Oliver Twist?'

"I've always feared this day would come. I'm running out of snarky replies."

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"I want it to look good, but not ill-gotten-gains good."

"With the latest in GPS technology embedded into my phone, who needs a map anymore?"

"If you're so wise, why won't you tell anyone your SAT scores?"

"Good thing I listened to you and implemented the new strategy."

'In your defense, I see you're not very bright. Most folks take the elevator.'

Well yes, I'm quite clever: I have over twenty patents to my name...

"Wear a white shirt ...... It's the grand jury."

"But heat rises, so it's cold down here."

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

"Oh, he says he's a Mensa, but take away his smartphone and smartwatch and he's just another dumb jerk."

Sales Clerk tricks woman into an instant merchandise exchange.

Coffee options.

"I know if Crampton were here he'd want us to divvy up his bonus."

'What an uncanny coincidence! The starter, main course, dessert and wine you've ordered are all the cheapest on the menu!'

'It's my new EyeWatch'

"It's about time! -- I ordered that last February!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits, and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'If you were your dog, would you pick you for a best friend?'

'Didn't you hear me calling you?'

"I think he's dead but we'll need to check his fitness monitor to confirm..."

"She has a smart phone, a smart TV and a smart mouth."

Mt. Moriah Church Homecoming: Wipe your feet and tuck in that shirt

"I'm old enough to recognize a lecture disguised as grace."

'While you're young, your job is to download and store as much data as possible...one day, you'll realize that a very cool utility program called 'wisdom' has interlaces with your operating system...'

"Oh great wise one, how can I experience eternity?"

'It's simple economics - TV sets get smarter, TV programs get dumber.'

Winter Dog