Small-town Sleuth T-Shirts

"CSI Tulsa"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"Well did he?"

"You're sure it was a Northern Bobwhite?"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

Optician and the PI.

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"I hear this place is a hotbed of international pancakes."

"Sure makes a change from New York!"

Conflicting Reports

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

Sherlock Holmes.

Reporter #2: plant.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Reporter at a crime scene.

Hadleyville Has-Beens

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

Trainspotter spotting: 'Gosh! A type 406 with original thermos.'

Detective follows footprints leading to a pair of shoes.

Welcome to Springdale...'We're number 10, 11, or maybe 12!'

"I'm looking for justice."

"I think it was done with mirrors."

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

Even with the new freedom of information act I can't tell you if that woman at number 28 is really only 76...

Exit 66 Yaphank: If you have already been to Yaphank please disregard this exit.

"Is this book a true story or is it true it's a story?"

"Grandma specifically said not to dig in the rhubarb patch."

"I can't meet you in the park today. The cats suspect something."

'So there I was, alone in the aisle, heart pounding, without a bloody clue as to what wine I should bring our hosts.'

Crime scene outline on the floor of a grocery store.

"Welcome to Cornish Est. 1763. Nothing to see here, move along, folks."