Schoolyard Sleuth T-Shirts

'I want you to listen to me... I'm gonna say it just one time... I... did... not pull that Patty Willston's hair... it never happened!'

"Recess does things to a man."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"You're sure it was a Northern Bobwhite?"

“Hands, Rachel. Clap your hands. Why on earth would I say, ‘If you’re happy and you know it, slap Sam’?”

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

I miss recess!

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

'Billy takes his jungle gym seriously!'

'For show and tell today I've brought in the report cards of our teacher, which I downloaded!'

"It was a professional hit..."

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

"Can you believe it? Smiley kissed me! I was totally not expecting it. She's probably gonna blabber it to the whole school! If I'm lucky."

"What a day. I played tag, a yucky girl kissed me, and I got the school's computers back online."

Inattentive Boy

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

'I got lost in between all the classroom trailers at school again.'

"Grandma specifically said not to dig in the rhubarb patch."

Bully accepts Paypal, Venmo or Bitcoin

'I don't have a dog, so have to eat homework myself.'

"Shhh. I think I heard my name."

And there goes the school window...

"My day in school? Oh, it was special. I got a lot of attention and advice from the principal herself."

"They're fake, when I get to school I'm telling everyone that I have evolved."

Yard sale sign states: Profits Go 4 Gas.

'Yeah, girls smell good, but don't let THAT fool you!'

"Yes, the underpants sighting is very interesting, but I'm really more intrigued by your observations of London and France."

'She's a gifted child.'

Juvenile Court