Sluggish Humor Fan Gifts

Sid the slug was feeling suicidal.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

The Fall of Gnome

Can't even hold signs well.

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

Men working (part time).

'My arms are getting shorter.'

Bro of Frankenstein

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

"God help us, it's that guy."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"I don't need to take notes. I'm wearing a wire."

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"It floated. I want my money back."

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

Cards Galore.

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'