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'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

'Must you eat without your shirt on? The crumbs falling into your navel are beginning to compost.'

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

Reach for the Star.

Homo Gamus

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

State of the Union

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"Well, it's funny, Sid. Every time I've got onr foot in the grave, something interesting happens, so I pull it back out again!"

"I'm running a loose ship."

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

House Hubby.

"He started off with a lazy eye and it spread to his whole body."

"So, this is Becky. She's single and she's totally your type."

"You're mad at your parents? Why?"

'Call yourself domesticated!'

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'I'll tell you one thing - if I knew I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.'

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

'He's lost his mobile phone - it must be in his chair somewhere!'

"Have no fear, Baldo...the Cruzer is now your personal love coach."

'What do you expect Marjorie, I am a grub.'

"The aftereffects may include years of insufferably life-affirming pronouncements."

In the game of life...there is no time out.

Whoever said 'change was inevitable' never saw Fred's underwear.

'It doesn't get any better than this.' 'That's what has me worried.'