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"I'm running a loose ship."

Homo Gamus

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

"Cheers to being a person."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

State of the Union

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

A man watching t.v. with his skull hinged open to reveal the same man watching the same t.v. . . .

Home for Seniors.

'Must you eat without your shirt on? The crumbs falling into your navel are beginning to compost.'

House Hubby.

'Our names aren't here so let's go for a drink!'

"He started off with a lazy eye and it spread to his whole body."

'My husband is a police detective. He does know how to toss a room.'

'What do you expect Marjorie, I am a grub.'

'Call yourself domesticated!'

'He's lost his mobile phone - it must be in his chair somewhere!'

Whoever said 'change was inevitable' never saw Fred's underwear.

Couch potato with tator tots.

'It doesn't get any better than this.' 'That's what has me worried.'

"It's either a powercut or we're watching the microwave oven."

'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"Disgusting! I'm never going to get this guy properly trained! I think I'll just abandon him somewhere!"

The PERFECTLY HAPPY BEING ALONE BOAT

'While my friends all smuggle up with their husbands and children, I receive thanks for another doomed relationship.'

'Leonard has hidden qualities, and they're best LEFT hidden.'

"Meet my husband, Mr Couch Potato, and our son...Tater Tot."

That Was Fun - Let's Do It Again.

"L'chaim... to life!"

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

'He's a case of unintelligent design.'