Sleepy Snacker Pillows

His condition is known as Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Secretive Weigh In.

"You were right, I didn't want to stop."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

''Romantic'? No -- but it makes me feel like having a CROISSANT!'

Breakfast surreal.

"Do you want the last piece, or can I have it?"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"You're the sport on my telly"

Bedside Manna.

The downside of the cupcake bed.

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

"Congratulations! For checking the fridge 30 times in under an hour, you've won something that you actually want to eat!"

Cookie Thief

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

'I woke up in February, and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up, killed and ate a moose.'

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

"People are inherently complicated, and if you eat it late enough at night, cereal can be dinner and breakfast!"

'You were up four times last night.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"You're home, dear. We don't have room service."

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

Diet Enforcer

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

Man using light to shield his eyes.

Al, do you ever go back in time and try to pinpoint moments when you made bad life choices? Actually, after an episode of gastric distress this morning, I journeyed back in time to last night. I pinpointed midnight as the moment, and I pinpointed pizza as a bad life choice.

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

"Late night snack? No, I...I was just checking expiration dates, dear!"

"Relax! The poor thing is only taking a breather on his way south!"

"Did someone eat my edamame ice pack?!"